In many parts of the world, the opinionated bridal entourage seem to be much the same. That is why we caught up with renowned U.S. bridal coach and mentor Wendy Rivera of “Do You Speak Bride”, to share with us several key steps to follow when dealing with the beloved bridal entourage.
by Wendy Rivera
Why does a bride bring an opinionated entourage? Why doesn’t she just bring people who will support her? Do you ever feel like you want the floor to open up and swallow the loud, opinionated “bride tribe”? What do you do when the bride’s whole entourage is so opinionated that they do not leave space for her to gather her thoughts and decide how she feels in the dresses she’s trying? Perhaps you are familiar with this scenario.
Luckily, there are ways to learn how to lead the group and help the bride accomplish their goals, all while having the experience of a lifetime as she finds the dress of her dreams! The good news is, it’s a goal YOU can get excited about too!
So let’s dive into this!
Step 1: Guard your heart and mind- because this is how you “keep face”
It is so important to remember and truly believe that the party wants to help the bride and (at least most of them) love the bride. While it may not appear to be the case in that moment, they are actually doing their best at what they believe to be their job. They think their job is to give their opinion. They believe the bride has brought them there to share honestly what they think. Out of love for the bride, they have decided they are going to do as much of that as they can. Smile and enjoy them as people for a second, so you can settle your own thoughts and engage well to lead them all to know how best to help the bride!
Step 2: Move to be Next to Them
Whatever the nature of the relationships the bride has with those in her bridal party, one thing is certain – the bride has much more of a relationship with everyone in her group than she does with the stylist who is greeting her.
You do not want to quiet them at all! You want to create an environment where they will feel included and heard! The last thing you want is for them to sit there quietly objecting, and then tank the appointment at the end! But you need to also show them how to focus their attention on what is actually helpful for the bride!
Your body position is very important! When the bride is on the stand, you should usually be in what I call, “The Power Pocket”, next to the mirror, face to face with the bride. When the party begins sharing their opinions, you will be standing in your power pocket next to the mirror. To make your move, keep a smile on your face while all the comments and opinions are being made. Look right at the bride’s group and enjoy them! Then, leave the mirror, give the train a fluff, and make your way to stand next to the group and look at the bride.
Step 3: Celebrate the Group
After just a second, as you stand next to the group, tell them how much you love what a fun and supportive group they are! It sounds something like, “I just have to to say, I absolutely love your group! You guys are so fun! I can only imagine how fun your wedding is going to be! You guys are in it to win it, and it’s awesome!”
Step 4: Teach the Bride; Identify with the Group
Scenario Example:
Bridal Stylist: “And Sarah, we’re all just having a blast watching you come out in these dresses, because you are just beautiful in gowns, and it is super fun. There are going to be things we all like, because it’s just fun! But this is what you need to know about this process of finding your gown…”
This is where you will SLOW DOWN your delivery so that the bride and everyone else will know this is important to hear.
“…this is the most self-expressive garment anyone will ever purchase. You are the one in the gown. All we can see is the outside, but how the gown makes you feel is only known by you! Gowns are magic, and they surprise brides all the time with how they make you feel! In fact, it could be something very different than you ever anticipated – just like when we find the right person and it’s very different than we could have ever expected! But this is about what expresses you, and we are so excited for that!”
When you say “we” it includes yourself! You are included in those who can only see the outside! You are not turning to the crowd and trying to get them to be quiet, or proving that you know better what the bride should wear! You are coming next to them and saying that we all together can’t do what only the bride is able to do, because it is about expressing who she is.
Step 5: Declare What You as a Group Will Do
Scenario Continues:
Bridal Stylist: “We are so happy for you! So, what we are going to do is, look at your face and see what lights you up! This decision is where your head and your heart meet, and we can’t wait to see it! This isn’t the same as any other garment purchase! What we are going to be watching for is what lights you up, and it might be something you weren’t expecting! It might be something none of us were expecting! Go with what you think and what you feel, and where your head and your heart meet – that’s where the magic is going to happen.”
Step 6: Bring it Back to the Bride
(Start walking back to your “Power Pocket” as you finish this paragraph) …“Sarah, what do you think and what do you feel in this gown?”
You have successfully assumed the best about the party, educated the bride on how this decision is made, channeled her focus to be on what she thinks and what she feels, guided the group on what to be looking for, and correctly aligned their understanding of this gown being an expression of who the bride is vs. a decision on simply fabric and cut.
And, because they love the bride, they now know that they need to be looking at her face to see what lights her up. They have been given a clear picture of their job! Their thoughts and attention have been drawn away from the dress to the bride, to see what she is feeling… because that is really where the magic is.
In doing all of this, you have empowered the bride to speak, to say what she thinks and how she feels. You have assumed her crowd loves her; you’ve assumed the best about everyone and connected everyone without making anyone feel that they are supposed to be quiet. You have not tried to quiet the crowd, because the last thing in the world you want to do is get the crowd quiet. That is a mistake that stylists make all the time since stylists believe a quiet atmosphere is a safe one.
It isn’t about quieting them, controlling them, or letting them walk all over you and the bride! It’s about valuing every person in this process, and letting them know that the most important element in this whole process is the beautiful expression to the world, and that IS the Bride.
If you practice this technique, you will be excited to meet any group that comes in with the bride no matter how opinionated they may be!!
Do you speak bride?
To learn more about Wendy Rivera and her coaching techniques for bridal shops, visit Do You Speak Bride